March 11th........Momma's birthday. She would have been 76 years old. It has been 6 months since Momma died and today it feels like just yesterday. My family and I went to visit Dad today....thought he might want/need the company. I guess he enjoyed the visit, at least I know that my grandkids made him smile a few times, even though they were subdued. I think they knew things were different. While lunch was warming up, I wandered around the house. It seemed that Momma was everywhere and at the same time no where. I think about Momma everyday but today it was different. Maybe it was because it was her birthday, maybe it was because this was the first time I had been back home since LaDonna left and Dad was by himself. I don't really know but the house seemed like an empty shell. The heart was missing. Don't really know how Dad felt. He never said. All I do know is that as soon as lunch was finished, he said he was going back to bed and went to the bedroom. We got the kitchen cleaned up, told him bye, and left.
By the time we got back home, I felt that I needed to share. LaDonna called while I was writing and we talked a long time...laughing and crying together over the phone. I think that we both needed the time to deal with everything. We both came to the conclusion that we needed what I termed 'a cry fest'. We both know that Momma is so much better off as my granddaughter said " she's all better"...and we will be also....given time.
~Diana
thinking of you both and family at this hard time
ReplyDeleteThe firsts are always the hardest for everyone and no-one gives you a manual on how to deal with it. All you can do is lean on your loved ones and take comfort from them. I am sure your Dad was very glad you went to spend time with him.
ReplyDeleteIt takes a long time to adjust. And there will be so many times when a situation brings it all back, like your mom's birthday.
ReplyDeleteWhen we visit my MIL now, and we sit at the table, my husband often sits in 'Dads' chair, and I can't help but think of him sitting there talking with us, the stories he would tell, and how he would slide the cookie or candy dish....inch by inch.....over to me, knowing that I was usually dieting, but wanting to give me the chance at a bit of it! He'd have that little grin going, too; so sweet!
Yeah.....it takes time. I'm glad you could have a cry-fest with LaDonna. That was good therapy!
This has to be so hard for all of you, they say time heals but the heart still aches. Hugs to all.
ReplyDeleteYou two have been on my mind. I know it has been a difficult day.
ReplyDeleteYour post brings back so many memories. When my Mom passed away and I moved in with Dad the house felt the same way. But everywhere I looked I saw my Mom. I added my quilts to their house but I left everything else the way Mom left it. It will get easier..the pain of loss never goes away but the memories will sustain you. Hugs
ReplyDeleteThinking of both of you. The firsts are the hardest, and when you love someone, it's just hard to say goodbye.
ReplyDeleteOh, Diana, my heart feels for you and your family. I too know these feelings and wish I had some good advice. My mother would have been 76 on March 3rd; we lost her last November. It's a strange feeling to have no mother:( Wishing you serenity, sweet lady.
ReplyDelete~Cindy